Left the dubs two years ago based on nothing more than a gut feeling that it was wrong.
Didn't allow myself to even mentally question the beliefs/teachings out of fear of Satan and the demons and out of respect/guilt for Jehovah.
1.5 years after leaving, I heard about the Australia Royal Commission. I figured that was safe to watch since it was official court video, not outright apostate.
I saw an elder say he had never heard of Theocratic Warfare (the concept that it's okay to lie if it's protecting your religion). But i remembered being taught that concept as a child at JW meetings. I was shocked. Then i saw the GB member answering questions and he just seemed so haughty, proud, foolish.
I then permitted myself to look up Charles Taze Russell, thinking it was safe stuff to read because it was history, not apostate material.
Again, i was shocked to read some of his beliefs/teachings, his failed end time predictions, the pyramid at his grave site. This was not what i learned in the Faith in Action! videos.
So then I googled Rutherford.
Again, more shock.
Then I GOOGLED JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES! What a terrifying moment.
Then i discovered jwsurvey.org + the John Cedars YouTube channel. His channel helped me most of all.
Reading about Ray Franz was really disturbing. A Governing Body member left?!
I spent nearly two months researching every single day. I would wake up in the middle of the night reviewing everything i had figured out that day. I would wake up in the morning crying, because the weight of my dreams was too much to bear.
Spoon Fed No More!